On being morose

Winters are rolling, baby! I can’t begin to talk about the awesomeness of having anything close to a winter in Mumbai! Even the truest-bluest Mumbai fangirl/ fanboy will have to admit that our winters can be, erm, hot. And I am not talking about the hotness that happens every time we see Johnny Depp. That hotness we would actually approve of!

But this post is about neither winters nor Johnny Depp. Actually, it is about people with constipated expressions. The other day, I was on a train and there was this female seated on the opposite seat, facing me. I do not like looking at women (and I am not even being a pervert here) so I mostly look out of the window or shut my eyes and listen to music when traveling. Yet I could observe that this female was totally offended about something. She had a thankless and glum face. She kept making ridiculous comments on everyone around her. Admittedly, she was morose, but she was more of the irritating kind of morose, and not the genuine kind. (Yes, there are kinds of morose. Like, when T. S Eliot got morose, it was always a part of his charm. So he was the charming kind of morose.) You can tell the difference, ‘cuz some people just like to assume a constipated face, like, all the time. They have constipated faces around the clock, and in happy times even. Nothing annoys me as much as these morose persons do. There was one such morose being at the institution where I learned German. He always wore a gloomy face in and around the institute. God alone knows why. He never even smiled at anyone in our class for the entire duration of the course. I heavily cursed the teacher on two occasions when she made him my partner for presentations. He did not smile a wee bit even when the teacher praised us for the work done. Blah to him, really! On the last day of the course, all the classmates decided to go for a dinner somewhere, and we were considering who would tell him about it. Since yours truly is such an idiot, I took up the responsibility. That very day, I went up to him and asked whether he would like to join us for dinner. Silence pervaded the air for the next two minutes and he looked at me in a shocked manner. He almost made me wonder what I had really asked him. He looked stunned as if I had asked him out. Later I wondered if I should really ask him out just for fun. Anyways, coming back to the female with the constipated face, she killed the entire journey for me. Of course, ‘journey’ is such a glamorous word for traveling in a Mumbai local train, but whatever. There is a super popular ‘B*tch Please’ meme doing the rounds of Internet these days. This constipated female totally deserves to feature on it, I thought. With that thought, I listened to Guess Who Batman by Lily Allen on the headphones and all was well.

P.S. You morose female, this post wouldn’t have happened had you not made that comment about ‘girls shaking their head to music in local trains’. Like they say, b*tch please!

Yea, to live is a grand thing.

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.

 

-Agatha Christie

and on a yawnylazysleepy afternoon, thou shalt see life anew

I’m supposed to be a lot of things, famous is one of them.

-purpleflames.

Say “Oooh!”

X: *a pseudophilosophical pose* Come, you ignorant one. Let me take you back to your roots.

Y: *confused* Huh?

X: *reassuringly* Oooh!

Y: *confused still* Oooh?

X: *confidently* Oooh oooh!

Y: *slightly irked* Oooh oooh?

X: *calmly* Oooh oooh oooh!

Y: *at the end of tether* Oooh oooh oooh? I feel like a monkey.

X: *in a saintly tone* Welcome to your roots and the roots of all of humanity!

Delightful, indeed!

This advert takes me back to the days when Miss Vee and yours truly

• wore stupid uniforms and long plaits.
• reserved seats for each other- in the bus, in the classroom, in the Audio-Visual Room, in the matchbox that was the Assembly Hall and a place  in the long queue inside the girls’ washroom even.
• whispered plans of world domination during the history classes.
• tried rapping like Eminem loudly, with special pauses.
• smuggled notes saying ‘the one who is reading this is a super dumb person’ during lectures.
• shared newfound expletives on the phone amidst giggles.
• became the pain in the neck of the Principle by raiding her office with stupid suggestions.
• heard about each other’s crushes.
• got always reprimanded for ‘giggling during lectures’.
• were banned from sitting together, ‘cuz their talks in an ongoing lecture disturbed the class.
• were always addressed as ‘hasmukh company’ by the class teacher.
• were two little mad girls.

Long live, our best waali friendship, Vee! <3

What I Miss And How!

College does not offer a better playground than the metaphorical one of college festivals. A college festival alone, with all its kaleidoscopic possibilities and temptations, attracts more students in the college campus than all the classrooms ever could, in the history of studentkind. With no direct authority to keep tabs on every little going-on, the college festival is very much the proverbial forbidden fruit falling directly into the students’ laps.

The fun is manifold when one is a part of any of the various organizing teams that toil (or pretend to, anyway) to usher in the festival with a bang. The work of a volunteer is not as easy as taking candy from a baby. It is a roller-coaster ride of emotions, anticipation and triumph. One also needs to brace oneself to face letdowns and disappointments.

Each volunteer is assigned a specific number of events and is responsible for seeing them through. The event is, then, what the volunteer makes it. As such, there is a sense of apprehension concerning the outcome of the event. Moreover, even before the thought of the outcome, comes the task of putting the event together! How else is one to know the outcome? This is a lot of work! A newbie will think that there is always enough time, but they will soon know that it is always otherwise. Excruciatingly busy days fall around the restless tapping of fingers. ‘Time crunch’ becomes your regular chant and ‘deadlines’ wake you up in the middle of the night. This becomes the routine until the festival actually arrives. Even here, happy endings are given a taste of Murphy’s Law. Volunteers are expected to be prepared to face disturbing facts like someone misplaced the papers concerning the event, a few teams have not turned up, teams are doubting the research done and other tales fit for a soap opera. Well, there is one fundamental truth perhaps every person involved in the festival knows: If something can go wrong, then it will

But then again, this is the fun. The work of a volunteer is expected only to be perfect, not perfectly sane. I know, ‘cuz I have, in my tryst of five years, never seen a perfectly sane college festival. Oh well, I have not met a perfectly sane volunteer even.

of fashionably-challenged dads.

Thought of the day: Sometimes life is like that fat aunty perched precariously on the fourth seat of the second-class railway compartment, pushing her fat bum against you to make some room for her. In other words, annoying and disgusting and irritating and just so unfair!

Today was a day well begun. I had barely woken up when I told myself that I would be wearing ‘the casual look’ to my German class today. On fashionably inclined days like these, I normally evade any interaction with the father. ‘Cuz when it comes to my sense of fashion, he turns into the friendly neighborhood sadist.

Coming back to my plans, I muster all that would be going into creating the look. I slip into a pair of blue jeans and a plain black tee. I apply a thin line of blue eyeliner: just the right amount of it. I tie my hair in a high bun and wear a leopard-print headband for some spunk. Lastly, I put on chappals and a sling bag. Tada! I give myself a mental pat on the back for the decent outcome. As I scurry to the door, my dad bumps into me in the corridor. This is the moment when you go all “Oh no!” As is expected from a sadist nerd of his stature, he throws a glance at my avatar and bursts out laughing. He calls out to my mum. Thanks to his laughter, the maid has momentarily paused at her work and she looks at us in a puzzled manner. Now in full attention of my mum, maid and, of course, himself, the father points at me and says, “Doesn’t she look like a postman? Hahaha!” I would say, “Excuse me!” if it also meant “Oh, shut up, you fashionably-challenged nerd!” apart from meaning, well, excuse me. Just when mum says, “Oh whatever! A postman looks nothing like this”, I am deceived to think that she is supporting me, until she finishes her sentence with, “The sling bag is more like the cable operator guy.” The otherwise ever-so-stoic maid breaks into suppressed chuckles. “You guys might want to know you’re not funny”, I protest. “Of course, this is not funny. People might drag my only daughter to their homes just to get their cable connections fixed. This is a serious issue, indeed. Hahaha.” More lame jokes are cracked at my expense. “But if you can do a good job at pretending to fix people’s cables connections, you could earn some money. Hahaha!” I dart to the door, as I hear my maid suppress another bout of chuckles. Admittedly, I am not flattered.

Mental note to self: Strew some earrings on the floor tomorrow when the maid is about to arrive. Keep them pointy side up.

An Apology

She has made a life out of compromises.
If each wrinkle could tell its story,
You would know
What toil meant
And what meant turmoil.
How it hurt to
Mute her heart,
And put your faults on the pedestal,
Lace them with flowers, light and honey.
So you don’t look
Half as bad as you are,
To stop and smile in the hallway at familiar faces,
Complete aliens even,
And say, “Oh! He is just a little off-color.”
And say it pleadingly, too, so they forgive your arrogance.
Did you count the times she tossed in bed that night?
Because you made her lie to the people in the hallway.
And yet she woke up at your slightest switch and
Checked to see if you were breathing heavy.
Only if you realized that her belief is bigger
Than your behaviour.
Her heart bigger than your head.
If you thought, may be you would see,
The hand that she held out every morning,
Did not desire money to be pressed into it.
What if you had held it once?
If you had only but looked in those eyes,
You would know how they gazed at you
When you weren’t looking.

Goodbye!

I have stumbled and fumbled through the corridors. I have scuttled up and down the stairs. I have slept in the classrooms. I have murdered size-zero in the canteen. I have slipped at the gate. I have pretended to study in the reading room. I have borrowed paperbacks of wisdom from the library. I have chatted in the gazebo. I have danced on the stage. I have hosted quizzes in the AVVR. I have faced interviews in the conference room. I have experienced the mucky politics in the student council room. I have clicked pictures in the restroom. I have gossiped in the ladies’ common room. I have sailed paper boats in the ‘quadrangle’. I have lived… a good life.

There were friends. There were foes. There were peals of laughter. There were sullen sighs. There was drama. There was inaction. There were rumours. There were songs. There was counsel. There were harsh words. There was a beautiful bond. There were petty arguments. There was the hot tea. There was the cold chocolate mousse. There was… life.

Still is. There are new happy and shiny faces. They will create their own universe in what was once our universe. Students just out of their school uniforms, like we once were.

The students will make a second home out of the college. The professors will make a college out of the second home.

Create. Repeat. Create. Repeat. Create.

Moron 1: Who do you think will be trying for our team this year, dude?

Moron 2: Guess who won’t be trying.

Moron 1: Umm, who?

Moron 2: Us, idiot. We have graduated.

Moron 1: OMG!

You deserve a better goodbye, college. I will tumble at your gate one day, the way I had, on the very first day. College, we are mad people, no?

He said, “Do the tag!”. I did.

He only wanted to know if I had kissed anyone. So he cooked up this tag thing. So typical.

1. Graduated high school. [Yes, they let me graduate on humanitarian grounds.]
2. Kissed someone. [Ha! Haha! Hahaha! ]
3. Smoked a cigarette.
4. Got so drunk you passed out.
5. Rode every ride at an amusement park.
6. Collected something stupid. [I do, actually. BEST bus tickets, hair clips, stationery items, etc]
7. Gone to a rock concert. [Vaayu, Demonic Resurrection and Necrosis had performed at my college once. College gig it was. Nevertheless!)
8. Helped someone.
9. Gone fishing.
10. Watched four movies in one night. (Staying in one place for that long? Impossible!)
11. Lied to someone. [Like everyday. ]
12. Snorted cocaine.
13. Smoked weed.
14. Failed a subject.
15. Been in a car accident.
16. Been in a tornado.
17. Watched someone die.
18. Been to a funeral.
19. Burned yourself. [Diwali disaster.]
20. Run a marathon.
21. Cried yourself to sleep.
22. Spent over 10,000 bucks in one day. [I wish I could do that with shoes. Someday.]
23. Flown on an aeroplane. [I still prefer trains.]
24. Cheated on someone. [But I so wanna do '6 din, ladka in' just for the kicks. ]
25. Been cheated on.
26. Written a 10 page letter.
27. Gone skiing.
28. Been sailing.
29. Cut yourself. [Accidentally. I think I was cutting a cardboard sheet with a paper cutter and suddenly the thin line between the sheet and my finger blurred.]
30. Had a best friend. [Have. Amazing she is.]
31. Lost someone you loved. [To death, destiny and differences.]
32. Got into trouble for something you didn’t do. [Never! I don’t get into trouble even for things I do. I’m gifted like that.]
33. Stolen a book from the library.
34. Gone to a different country.
35. Watched the Harry Potter movies. [I’m not into HP, I only tagged along with friends and ate butter popcorn.]
36. Had an online diary.
37. Fired a gun.
38. Gambled in a casino.
39. Been in a school play. [I was a rabbit in kindergarten.]
40. Been fired from a job.
41. Taken a lie detector test.
42. Swam with dolphins.
43. Voted for someone on a reality TV show.
44. Written poetry.
45. Read more than 20 books a year.
46. Gone to Europe.
47. Loved someone you shouldn’t have. [So many times. Let’s just say, I have lots of love to give. ]
48. Used a colouring book over age 12.
49. Had a surgery.
50. Had stitches.
51. Taken a Taxi.
52. Had more than 5 IM conversations going on at once.
53. Been in a fist fight. [2nd grade. Over chocolate.]
54. Suffered any form of abuse.
55. Had a pet.
56. Petted a wild animal.
57. Had your own credit card & bought something with it.
58. Dyed your hair.
59. Got a tattoo.
60. Had something pierced. [Ears.]
61. Got straight A’s.
62. Known someone personally with HIV or AIDS.
63. Taken pictures with a webcam.
64. Lost something expensive. [I am the idiot who lost a Gucci watch. Please, slap me.]
65. Gone to sleep with music on.

Tag done. Time wasted.

P.S: Since this entire post happened ‘cuz of this one guy, I say you check him out here.

Go, grab him.